We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
