i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
