Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
