Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
