You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
