Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
