You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
