You really coming over, don't trick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
