I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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