All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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