The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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