Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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