drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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