Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
