Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
