so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
