This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
