Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
