WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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