I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
