Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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