Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
