...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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