If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
