my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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