girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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