sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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