please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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