I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
