is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
