That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
