He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
