Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
