oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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