i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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