remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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