I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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