don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
