I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
