3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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