Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
a search helicopter?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
