I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
