I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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