You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
