We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
