Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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