I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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