Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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