Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
don't judge my taste in strippers
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
