Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
